Filed under: News | Tags: Chad Ciocci, Event Horizon, Fordham University, Newt Ginrich, Young Republicans
That’s right kids, Newt Gingrich is being paid to do his lil’ Lazarus act upon the Republican party right here at Rose Hill, according to the internet’s sister blog, The Liberty Forum. Here’s what our favorite friends had to say over at Dullard Central:
Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives and leader of the 1994 Republican Revolution, will be speaking at Fordham University on April 20, 2009.
What is this? Did the Spice Girls reunion open a sort of terrible pandora’s box that has dispersed nostalgia for the terrible 90s upon the universe? Where the hell did they dig up Newt from, anyways? I thought he had resigned to writing terrible sub- Tom Clancy novels and giving his two cents on that cable news network for people who can’t read (FOX News)? Wasn’t the high water mark for Newt, uh, 12 years ago?
Newt Gingrich, headline maker...
For those of you in the know, Fordham’s lead dunce, Chadwick E. Ciocci, had called upon 1994’s favorite rotund Republican to become the de-facto leader of the headless GOP, beating out such esteemed colleagues as Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele.
Nevertheless, we have been assured that his delightfully chubby visage will be gracing our emerald campus on April 20th, and you heard that here first folks (’cause no one, ‘cept us, reads the Liberty Forum).
-Charles
Filed under: News | Tags: 1st Amendment, Chad Ciocci, Fascist Bastard, Liberty Forum, Los Angeles City College, Proposition 8, Young Re, Young Republicans
We here at the paper are a crafty lot, while most people believe that our existence hinges upon Free Speech being upheld to the T; in actuality we can say whatever we want because we’re always fucking right and you (should you ever, ever disagree) are always fucking wrong. As far as we’re concerned, everything that we write and everything we think is fucking gospel and that’s absolutely final. And if you don’t like it, go back to reading USA Today, ya fuckin’ Tobias.
the paper woud like to present John Matteson this Medal for bravery in fighting in America's great culture war.
This brings me to tonight’s sure to be hot button discussion topic: a professor called a student a “fascist bastard” in class after some little fascist bastard attempted to give an anti-gay marriage speech at Los Angeles City College. The student, Jonathan Lopez, was berated by his hot-headed professor, John Matteson, who cut him off during the speech, wrote: “Ask God what your grade is” on his final evaluation and generally bullied the little snot out of an actual discourse in an institution for higher learning. Does any of that strike you as insane? Maybe we need to stock up on these kinds of outspoken wing nuts in our educational systems so as to prevent kinds from growing up like Chad Ciocci and embarrassing themselves in print weekly. Nothing could sound as sane as that, am I right? As far as I’m concerned we as a nation should be giving this asshole an award, maybe the Congressional Medal of Honor, or at least a Golden Globe!
The only problem with any and all of this is that without conservative quasi-pundits polluting our fair school’s more “respected” rag with godless, anti-American stupid-speak, what the hell would we have to complain about? I honestly don’t know what I would write about if we didn’t have our good friends over at the Fordham Liberty Forum! And that, my friends, is why, despite the fact that we are always 100% unarguably correct about everything 100% of the time (typos and grammar excluded, of course), we need free speech so that people like Dougie Kohn can rhetorically fall on his ass on-line and in print, and we can safely make fun of him from our infallible pulpit in the sky. As for this professor, his major crime wasn’t telling that little jerk the God’s Honest Truth! His crime was taking the fun out of entering into a free spirited back and forth with the little fascist bastard.
That is what Free Speech means to me. Goodnight, and God Bless the United States of America.
-Charles
Filed under: News | Tags: Che Guevara, Cuba, Liberty Forum, Young Republicans
For about a half century now Americans have been forbidden by law to travel to that gorgeous island paradise missile wielding dystopia ninety miles off of Florida’s shores, Cuba. But, that all might change soon, as Congress appears to finally be comprehending that the Cold War has been over for thirty years, and that it’s been time to move on dot org. A bill that would open up legal travel between the US and the tiny, impoverished socialist state has been introduced in the House and, if any semblance of common sense prevails in government, it will quietly pass.
Conservative godfather William F. Buckley pictured here rolling in his grave.
That being said, there are still some people (read: Young Republicans), who are still mentally pre-Glasnost and still get their boxers in a bunch over the idea of lessening unnecessary tensions with a nation that is maybe one one-hundredth the size of the US with one eight-billionth the GDP and one Banking system bailouth the military force as us big assholes to their north. Those people also have a blog, and still wine about twelve year olds that wear Che Guevara shirts their moms bought them at Hot Topic. Observe this weblogging anachronism here for your hilarious viewing pleasure.
-Charles
