Filed under: News | Tags: 1st Amendment, Chad Ciocci, Fascist Bastard, Liberty Forum, Los Angeles City College, Proposition 8, Young Re, Young Republicans
We here at the paper are a crafty lot, while most people believe that our existence hinges upon Free Speech being upheld to the T; in actuality we can say whatever we want because we’re always fucking right and you (should you ever, ever disagree) are always fucking wrong. As far as we’re concerned, everything that we write and everything we think is fucking gospel and that’s absolutely final. And if you don’t like it, go back to reading USA Today, ya fuckin’ Tobias.
the paper woud like to present John Matteson this Medal for bravery in fighting in America's great culture war.
This brings me to tonight’s sure to be hot button discussion topic: a professor called a student a “fascist bastard” in class after some little fascist bastard attempted to give an anti-gay marriage speech at Los Angeles City College. The student, Jonathan Lopez, was berated by his hot-headed professor, John Matteson, who cut him off during the speech, wrote: “Ask God what your grade is” on his final evaluation and generally bullied the little snot out of an actual discourse in an institution for higher learning. Does any of that strike you as insane? Maybe we need to stock up on these kinds of outspoken wing nuts in our educational systems so as to prevent kinds from growing up like Chad Ciocci and embarrassing themselves in print weekly. Nothing could sound as sane as that, am I right? As far as I’m concerned we as a nation should be giving this asshole an award, maybe the Congressional Medal of Honor, or at least a Golden Globe!
The only problem with any and all of this is that without conservative quasi-pundits polluting our fair school’s more “respected” rag with godless, anti-American stupid-speak, what the hell would we have to complain about? I honestly don’t know what I would write about if we didn’t have our good friends over at the Fordham Liberty Forum! And that, my friends, is why, despite the fact that we are always 100% unarguably correct about everything 100% of the time (typos and grammar excluded, of course), we need free speech so that people like Dougie Kohn can rhetorically fall on his ass on-line and in print, and we can safely make fun of him from our infallible pulpit in the sky. As for this professor, his major crime wasn’t telling that little jerk the God’s Honest Truth! His crime was taking the fun out of entering into a free spirited back and forth with the little fascist bastard.
That is what Free Speech means to me. Goodnight, and God Bless the United States of America.
-Charles
Well it’s been four days since the election and we haven’t updated anything. Our bad.
Anyway, courtesy of Videogum comes this guy and his mouth full of tobacco. You know, just in case you forgot that our country, however great it may be, will never be at a loss for idiots. I mean it certainly has been awesome these past couple days to get carried away with all the positive energy surrounding the Obama election. But people like this hilarious asshole and oh, I don’t know, things like Proposition 8 in California mean we still have a long way to go.
But I digress. Enjoy the following stupidity!
I cannot stop watching this video. The look of pain on his face crossed with being utterly perplexed at his own existence is far too entertaining.
-Pete
Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: California, Gay Marriage, Newt Gingrich, Proposition 8
In a message directed at those in California who can’t read, erstwhile Speaker of the House and current douche-bag, Newt Gingrich asked voters to uphold the founding father’s terrible fear of homosexuality by voting YES on Proposition 8. In this message Newt reminds us of what is at stake in NOT banning gay marriage in California, and that is democracy. Newt sees a terrifying future where homo loving Judges sit in ivory towers delivering obscene proclamations upon the poor, simple people below. And he is here to say “NO!” by saying YES on Prop 8. Here it is in its (boring) entirety.
Kudos to Newt on not just coming out and saying, “God hates fags… vote yes on Prop 8,” but shame on you, lard-boy, for wrapping that ugly sentiment in American “History.” The message I’ve taken from this is that leaving the concept of gay marriage open to the interpretation of “radical judges” will start a domino effect that will end in America returning to British rule by judges in powdered wigs. Oh, Newt, I love abusing American history to fit your personal atavistic ends about as much as you fear homosexuality.
-Charles
