A Little Too Much, But You Get The Point

More than any election before it, this election has shown the deep fissures that have the potential to tear America apart, and I wholeheartedly believe that that is a bad thing. Despite Sarah Palin’s exclusion of my city from her “Real America” and the anti-liberal, anti-educated, and anti-east coast rhetoric that I find personally offensive, I believe with every fiber of my being that from the streets of Arthur Ave. to the streets of Omaha, Nebraska we are Americans and we must stand together. Today, my guy may have beat your guy, or maybe our guy beat someone else’s guy, but tomorrow we must address the problems that face this nation as brothers and sisters, as patriots.

This moment will be a litmus test for all of us as Americans, to move beyond believing the first African-American man to run for office is an anti-American terrorist, and to move beyond the belief that the middle half the country is culturally irrelevant, bigoted and worthless. While the past few weeks have made us seem like a red and blue America, I truly believe that every one of us loves the Red, White and Blue. The time for fearmongering, excuses and attacks is over. The battle is won. Now we must, as Americans, look towards tomorrow and see what we can do to ensure the safety, stability and respectability of this great nation. It will not be easy, but we are not a nation of quitters. We shall overcome. Whether or not Sean Hannity and I would agree on a point by point basis, I think we would both agree that this is the greatest country on earth, and its principals are greater still. Good Night, and God Bless America.

-Sam.

p.s. Nice speech McCain. Really.

The Warrior

We damn dirty liberals do loves us some blogging. But the drawback with blogs is that anyone can have one, how do you know that the blog is credible? That we’re not reading some glue-huffing, cat food-eating wastrel’s paranoid schizophrenic misinterpretation of current events? Well, you don’t, so, in order to make ourselves even more credible than we are, we at the paper built ourselves a situation room (slash zombie defense bunker). Now we’re up against a pretty strong field. CNN earlier today projected a hologram interview and have a giant electoral touch screen roughly the size of Rhode Island. Touché CNN. Fox News has a zero gravity vacuum where it is literally impossible to generate spin. Some sort of No Spin Zone. MSNBC almost has viewers. So we here at the paper decided to make a situation room that would put all other situation rooms (and panic rooms) to shame. Firstly, we have installed live feeds from every polling station in the United States. 13,000 feeds into 200 televisions, each approximately 2 inches in diameter, that gradually changes color into a giant mural of the projected winner. Your move, Blitzer.

More infrequency after the jump. (more…)