the paper


Fordham Robbery Spree on NYC’s WABC
September 18, 2009, 9:57 pm
Filed under: Strange Days | Tags: , , , , , ,

the paper is concerned for your safety! And NYC’s WABC is taking notice; the recent string of robberies that several Fordham students have been victim of led the ABC local news tonight.

WABC reporting from Bathgate & 191

WABC reporting from Bathgate & 191

Seriously y’alls, this is kind of scary. We all know the whole “don’t walk alone at night” rule is a must in our neighborhood, but people are getting robbed at 6:30PM?!!!! We’ve gotten so many security alerts in the past few weeks that we’re now looking into buying a fleet of pitbulls just so we can walk to and from campus.



the paper Does Fordham’s Club Fair: TODAY
September 2, 2009, 11:23 am
Filed under: Strange Days | Tags: ,

That’s right, idiots. School is back, summer is over, and we at the paper will be at Fordham’s club fair at Eddie’s Parade today, September 2, from 2PM-5PM. We will be pumping jams and rounding up new writers, so holler.



Happy Graduation. Love, the paper
May 14, 2009, 3:56 pm
Filed under: Strange Days | Tags: , ,

As some of the paper’s best friends graduate, many of them past paper contributors and editors, the paper would like to say happy graduation. Take a look at this May 31, 1969 cover of the New Yorker, which maps out the possible future for college grads. It’s hard to see some of the words on this page, but if you click on it you can take a closer look…it’s pretty beautiful.

 Wherever you go, remember: the paper loves you all.



A Picture is Worth 1,000 STFU’s!
Chairman Mao Zedong and President Nixon

Chairman Mao Zedong and President Nixon

The sentiments of many half-wits were echoed by Newt Gingrich on his recent trip to Fordham, when he told us how disgusting and terrible it is that President Obama shook hands with Hugo Chavez. (Really, for those of you who missed it, the fear-mongering cannot be overstated.)

Well Newt, lucky for us some dude put together an amazing photo gallery that shows us (gasp!) that President Obama isn’t the first President to civilly greet controversial world leaders. As the blogger points out:

“…it almost seems like getting to know your adversaries and becoming friendly with them actually acts as a deterrent from them starting wars with you? Go figure! Just like in real life with your neighbors and people you work with!”

The gallery contains pictures of Republican US Presidents cordially greeting everyone from Brezhnev to Gorbachev. Suck on that Newt Gingrich and all of you applauding monkeys who attended the event.

-Kate



the Ram on a Rampage
April 23, 2009, 7:31 pm
Filed under: News, Sports | Tags: , , , ,

Apparently our school is receiving some national attention due to a little run-in our mascot, the Ram, had with an almost certainly drunk and/or high student in the cafeteria on Friday. (By national attention, we mean Deadspin, a subsidiary of the Gawker network. They also zing the Ram’s article on the incident.)

You remember Friday? It was beautiful out, so Eddie’s naturally looked like the Jersey Shore. Yeah? Yeah. Just setting the scene. So this mystery kid was in the Caf and sees the Fordham Ram walk in. The kid runs up to the Ram and punches him, knocking the Ram to the ground and dislodging his big, furry, fake head. Burn.

But it doesn’t end there. Sometimes drunken/high idiots (ourselves included) forget that when you hit someone they may or may not attempt to retaliate. Especially when that person is a large man in a ram costume. The Ram chased the puncher onto Eddie’s Parade and socked him in the face. (God I wish I had done my drinking outdoors on Friday afternoon.) Hundreds of Fordham babes and bros dropped their frisbees and watched on in horror (read: they were lovin’ it and you know it).

John Carroll, Fordham’s Director of Security, along with many other security workers caught up with the two fighting bros. Eventually both students were taken to the hospital (the puncher, reportedly, put up a bit of a stink though).

Comment if you were there, y’alls.



the paper: April 22, 2009: NEW ISSUE OUT NOW!
April 21, 2009, 10:10 pm
Filed under: Arts, Earwax, Edits, News, Sports | Tags: , , ,

April 22, 2009 — the NEW ISSUE of the paper is out today! Find it in every dorm and class building on campus and RIGHT HERE ONLINE! (Check out the pages on the lefthand toolbar.)

Our cover is an homage to the terribly brilliant and brilliantly terrible puns and layout of the New York Post. Execution is boss, if we do say so ourselves.



Douchebag Soils Fordham’s Good Name

Patrick Reilly, a prominent Fordham graduate, and founder of the league of religious dunces, the Cardinal Newman Society, is back to his bloodthirsty McCarthy-esque ways again in South Bend, Indiana. Mr. Reilly has contrived a ridiculous controversy over President Barack Hussein Obama coming to speak at the University of Notre Dame’s 2009 commencement because Barry feeds off of the placenta of the unborn. Outside of how completely ridiculous the idea of trying to censor the President of the United States at an institution of higher learning is, the Cardinal Newman Society has lauded the University for canceling it’s production of the Vagina Monologues, and has actually been getting bishops to work towards pressuring the University to cancel on the President.

"Thou shall not take my name in vein, Patrick"

"Thou shall not take my name in vain, Patrick"

I would just say that Patrick Reilly and his gaggle of thugs are just another group of pre-mature ejaculators who are terrified of women, but that would be libelous, (potentially) untrue, unfair, and stupid… so I won’t say that. What I will say, is that a significant portion of the Gospels were dedicated to recounting Christ speaking with people who didn’t yet subscribe to Christianity… and convincing them of His righteousness through dialogue and parables (along with the usual slew of fantastic miracles). I think that the gospels are a good place to look here as an example, Patty; you see there’s this concept of dialogue that works in ways that censorship doesn’t… if you believe in the righteousness of your rhetoric, then why not engage conflicting views in dialogue to prove your point, instead of striving to silence one end of the discussion? Doesn’t it cheapen your cause to FORCE it to be right instead of letting it prove itself in an honest and open public discourse?

You can read more about the Cardinal Newman Society here; and more about the Obama controversy here.

-Charles



Old, fat homophobe flaps his gums
April 6, 2009, 3:13 pm
Filed under: News | Tags: , ,

Fordham’s $50,000 villain, Newt Gingrich, is back to peddling Bush-era fear rhetoric on the already bug-eyed conservative minority in this country that still listens to him. In an attempt to further damage the United States of America, Newt claimed that the US is, in fact, less safe under the “weakness” of Barack Obama’s diplomatic rhetoric, in a public chat with Politico readers on the popular website. He also echoed comic book supervillain and erstwhile Vice President, Dick Cheney’s claims that doing things like ordering the closure of the illegal, immoral, and embarrassing prison camps at places like Gitmo have made the United States not only less safe, but less powerful in the eyes of the world.

On the whole Newt’s rhetoric and general outlook on world affairs reveals itself time and time again to be poorly thought out and backwards (atavistic even!). On his “American Solutions” website that he links to, Gingrich uses Vietnam War-era rhetoric to enforce shameless populism in the face of real, complex economic issues. Elsewhere Gingrich strikes a strange blow against intelligent rhetoric when it comes to dealing with the threat of global terrorism, lamenting the loss of the ill thought out phrase, “Global War on Terror.” You can read the whole shebang, here.

Newt gingrich pictured in his political hey-day.

Newt gingrich pictured in his political hey-day.


Between the Politco talk and his words on FOX News (a.k.a. Dullard TV), that slippery Newt sounds too much like a certain blundering evil-doer that occupied the White House for eight all too recent years. People like Newt Gingrich, whose shameless appeals to a particular strain of American myopia exist only to further an extraordinarily selfish and destructive agenda should have disappeared on election night. But as long as there’s fear there will be people like Newt spewing the same type of gimme-gimme-gimme attitude of a rich brat with too much power and too much money.

Hopefully the Young Republican’s successful wrangling of this sin-stained wretch will expose the disgraced former Speaker of the House’s twisted take on reality to the great unwashed masses here at Rose Hill.

-Charles



An Election Note
March 31, 2009, 9:33 pm
Filed under: Edits | Tags: , , ,
Vote. The World Is Watching...

Vote. The World Is Watching...

So in a “Letters to the Editor” this issue, a student’s names is mentioned as who the author will be voting for FCRH ’11’s USG Vice President rather than Creighton Muscato. Creighton felt that this was a bit unfair, since he won’t have a chance to “respond” before elections, this Thursday, and we don’t blame him. So here’s his platform, just so y’alls got everything straight.

1.) Double the Student Activities Fee Referendum:

As one of the most ambitious aspects of my platform, this initiative, as opposed to many others, would be relatively easy to accomplish with proper student involvement and consent. With practically little effort, we could very seriously improve each one of our college experiences.  As it is, the current student spends the exact sum of $100 to be put towards the Student Activities Fee, a general pot from which clubs may exercise funds and which finances events like Spring Weekend; my aim is to increase this figure to $200.  Now, while this may seem like a heavy increase, the figure must be put into context.  This extra $100 dollars would account for a 0.19% increase in the Resident’s total sum and a 0.23% increase in the Commuter’s total sum, a negligible amount in either circumstance.  The effect would be a notable proliferation of student club activity, on-campus events, and would generate the proper degree of funding to support an event, the scale of Spring Weekend, twice a year. Or, better yet, with the overhead covered for Spring Weekend, we would have enough money to potentially triple the amount spent towards the Weekend’s main performance.  We would have our pick of the litter.  And consider this, the Hughes resident last year was charged $250 toward their bursar account for general vandalism (many of whom never participated in such activities); the money was then basically absorbed in the black hole that is Res. Life, never to be seen again.  But this increased referendum money would be directly influencing us in the most affirmative manner.

Also, as it is my understanding, the Student Activities Fee has remained dormant at the $100 figure since some time in the early nineties when the tuition was approximately half of what it is today.  To change this, all we would have to do is collect 15% of the student body’s handwritten signature; after that, a simple majority vote of the student body would put the new fee into action.  It would be a lofty task, indeed, but it seems completely feasible and, in any case, totally justified.  With your vote, I would work doggedly toward this end so that, by the time we leave this place, we would have had a Spring Weekend of truly epic proportions.

2.) Free Speech

Having served on the newly erected Commission on Free Speech, I hope to see the endeavors of this group continue into the next academic year, for good or ill.  It will take some creativity to ensure an adequate free speech space on our campus, but it is a pure and basic effort.  The ideal model would resemble that of Georgetown’s “Red Square,” a designated area in which the individual is able to express whatever viewpoint deemed fit or otherwise (for example, the place has been allegedly used for the dispersion of contraceptives). The establishment of this sort of entity would not only benefit the intellectual progress of our university, but it is completely necessary given the country and times in which we live; its current absence is a plain hypocrisy to the Jesuit tradition, in the spirit of diverse, intellectual discourse and chaste, honest education.

3.) Club Event Advertisement

As it was my previous intent to run for Exec. VP of Student Life, I formed some thoughts on how we can better implement the McGinley Center.  I believe that the televisions on the sides should be reserved for the advertisement of club events, and other generally important information.  The text is often too small, the format odd, and some of the information wholly irrelevant.  Ideally, a club would submit an advertisement in the form of a PowerPoint slide, and the advertisements would cycle briefly at the top of every hour.  It is an ill-utilized space for advertisement and I wish to see this changed.  Also, I believe that USG should be able to sell a small portion of the advertisement space to local businesses in order to generate revenue which would eventually be transferred to the student body by way of the Doctrine of Active Purchasing (a resolution passed by USG this year which allows the government to purchase items for the student body; this year we purchased an assortment of weights for the gym, as well as several new squash rackets).

In the spirit of elections, here are the Facebook links for the others running for USG VP, FCRH ‘11 (that we could find). We encourage you all to read their platforms and make an educated decision. Any other people running for any of this USG business, feel free to e-mail us (paper.fordham@gmail.com) a link to your Fbook page/Web site/whatever and we’ll post it for you.

Creighton Muscato
Brett Vetterlein
Chris Gannon

Dannialles Dominguez


Old, Fat Homophobe To Speak at Fordham
March 23, 2009, 11:09 pm
Filed under: News | Tags: , , , ,

That’s right kids, Newt Gingrich is being paid to do his lil’ Lazarus act upon the Republican party right here at Rose Hill, according to the internet’s sister blog, The Liberty Forum. Here’s what our favorite friends had to say over at Dullard Central:

Newt Gingrich, former Speaker of the House of Representatives and leader of the 1994 Republican Revolution, will be speaking at Fordham University on April 20, 2009. 

What is this? Did the Spice Girls reunion open a sort of terrible pandora’s box that has dispersed nostalgia for the terrible 90s upon the universe? Where the hell did they dig up Newt from, anyways? I thought he had resigned to writing terrible sub- Tom Clancy novels and giving his two cents on that cable news network for people who can’t read (FOX News)? Wasn’t the high water mark for Newt, uh, 12 years ago?

 

Newt Gingrich, former headline maker...

Newt Gingrich, headline maker...

 

For those of you in the know, Fordham’s lead dunce, Chadwick E. Ciocci, had called upon 1994’s favorite rotund Republican to become the de-facto leader of the headless GOP, beating out such esteemed colleagues as Rush Limbaugh and Michael Steele.

Nevertheless, we have been assured that his delightfully chubby visage will be gracing our emerald campus on April 20th, and you heard that here first folks (’cause no one, ‘cept us, reads the Liberty Forum).

-Charles