Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: Barack Obama, Cardinal Newman Society, Fordham University, Notre Dame Commencement, Patrick Reilly
Patrick Reilly, a prominent Fordham graduate, and founder of the league of religious dunces, the Cardinal Newman Society, is back to his bloodthirsty McCarthy-esque ways again in South Bend, Indiana. Mr. Reilly has contrived a ridiculous controversy over President Barack Hussein Obama coming to speak at the University of Notre Dame’s 2009 commencement because Barry feeds off of the placenta of the unborn. Outside of how completely ridiculous the idea of trying to censor the President of the United States at an institution of higher learning is, the Cardinal Newman Society has lauded the University for canceling it’s production of the Vagina Monologues, and has actually been getting bishops to work towards pressuring the University to cancel on the President.
"Thou shall not take my name in vain, Patrick"
I would just say that Patrick Reilly and his gaggle of thugs are just another group of pre-mature ejaculators who are terrified of women, but that would be libelous, (potentially) untrue, unfair, and stupid… so I won’t say that. What I will say, is that a significant portion of the Gospels were dedicated to recounting Christ speaking with people who didn’t yet subscribe to Christianity… and convincing them of His righteousness through dialogue and parables (along with the usual slew of fantastic miracles). I think that the gospels are a good place to look here as an example, Patty; you see there’s this concept of dialogue that works in ways that censorship doesn’t… if you believe in the righteousness of your rhetoric, then why not engage conflicting views in dialogue to prove your point, instead of striving to silence one end of the discussion? Doesn’t it cheapen your cause to FORCE it to be right instead of letting it prove itself in an honest and open public discourse?
You can read more about the Cardinal Newman Society here; and more about the Obama controversy here.
-Charles
Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: Barack Obama, Chad Ciocci, George W Bush, John Boehner, Stimulus Package
After a hard night of boozing amidst a crowd of pimply-faced high school students at the Jolly Tinker last night, the dour clouds of my hangover found respite in the mirth that comes from a true love of one’s country and the hilarious farce that is Fordham’s Young Republican crowd. The Stimulus Bill passed, President Obama’s image appears to be totally untarnished by his recent tribulations and that whole “neglected transparency” thing that got John Boehner’s boxers in a bunch appears to be receiving the attention it deserves, in the form of a website that will go up when the legislation is signed into law by the Commander in Chief.
All of which brings me to my thesis: suck it, Liberty Forum (Fordham University’s journal of news analysis, comment and review for people who can’t read). Without rehashing the ugliness of my edit on the same subject in the last issue of the paper, let me remind the sane readers out there that there are still conservatives in this country who are terrified of Barack Obama and the damage he might do to this country. What? Yes. Seriously? Dead serious. These are people who were actually down with going into Iraq, these are people who kept their mouths shut during the Enron collapse, these are the same people that voted Bush twice and were outraged by the midterm elections in 2006. Barack Obama… what me worry?!?
Is this real life?
These people are either villains or idiots, there’s no middle ground anymore! Was Rachel Ring drunk when she wrote this? Or is this a permanent condition? Is Douglas Kohn (author of this masterpiece) simply simple or is he pure evil? What is wrong in this world? Why are these people receiving a higher education, shouldn’t they be in jail or an institution of some kind? Are they free from mental hospitals because deregulation (small government, baby) saw states having to close down their institutions? Does Chadwick E. Ciocci really think that government “waist“ is located between the nipples and the genitalia?!? You’d think with all the abstract wining he does about it, he’d know there’s a difference in the government blowing trillions of dollars into whimsical wars and a corrupt military industrial complex and where you hang your pants…
It’s what, twenty, thirty days into this administration and the sky is already falling only on rich white kids from Connecticut? Do these people have brain damage? Why are these silly turds getting worked up over anything and everything? Too many questions y’all, Jeez Louise.
-Charles
Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, Inauguration, Rick Warren
Cheney, seen here arriving at Capitol Hill, has been described by presidential historians as a "warped and frustrated old man."
“You see, if you shoot pool with some employee here, you can come and borrow money,” Mr. Cheney told reporters when asked for his thoughts on the recent economic downturn. “What does that get us? A discontented, lazy rabble instead of a thrifty, working class.”
Moments later, in a strange exchange, a reporter from the Washington Post wished the outgoing Vice President a happy New Year. Mr. Cheney responded by leaning into a microphone and shouting, “And a happy New Year to you — in jail!” He then wheeled away furiously.
The former Vice President in Bedford Falls, NY
It’s fitting that a man who leaves office with a 13% favorability rating, in his final, begrudging moments in power, to quite remarkably resemble an iconic Hollywood curmudgeon. Fair thee well, Richard. We shall all miss that scowl.
Also of note: Warren’s Poor Word Choice
During Rick Warren’s over-the-top religo-tainment spectacular prior to Obama’s swearing in, I noticed an interesting little slip of the tongue. When speaking of the American Dream and such, Warren referred to America as a nation of “unequalled possibility.” Unfortunately for the best-selling evangelical, it sounded a lot more like he said ours is a nation with “unequal” possiblity. Oops. Was it a Freudian slip that took Warren’s optimistic sermon about opportunity and made it a bit more in touch with what is still an unequal reality? Maybe he should have just picked a different word.
Can you clarify for us, Rick? Are we a nation that provides its people possibilities unequaled by any other country? Or are we a nation that provides unequal possibilities to different groups of people? Since Mr. Warren had to jet off back to his mega-church right after his speech, I guess we’ll just have to wait to see what exactly he meant.
-Bill
Filed under: News | Tags: Barack Obama, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Robert Gibbs
After years of heterosexual monopoly, it appears that homosexuals have finally gained the right to come out of the closet and still die for their country. White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs reaffirmed the incoming President Elect’s intent to do away with that pesky “don’t ask don’t tell” compromise that effectively bogarted Clinton’s first 100 days way back in ‘93. The move is sure to drive the atavistic bastards that make up the rotten silent majority bat-shit crazy, and should be lauded by progressives and real Americans everywhere.
Hopefully this kind of decision should show Barry Obama growing a pair of nuts and realizing that he can do the right thing with gay rights and not incite a Civil war against the unwashed masses, regardless of what an anti-American thug masquerading a “pundit,” like Sean Hannity might tell you.
In related news this announcement has torpedoed Corporal Klinger’s many, many hilarious attempts to escape the military service by pretending he was gay. And with M*A*S*H’s syndication more popular than ever, it appears that he will forever be stuck in Unit 4077 forever.
Hopes shattered by the prospect of being "out" and "in."
-Charles
Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: Barack Obama, Barack Obama Titties, Blagojevich, Roland Burris, tits
The Chicago Sun-Times is reporting embattled Gov. “Big” Rod Blagojovich will appoint this guy, Roland Burris, as the replacement for “Big Boobs” Obama after the country decided to elect the most glamorous fun bags in the US Senate to the oval office.
Let's See Some Skin!!
Not to be confused with bonerific French statesman Roland Garros, who, coincidentaly, is also endowed with a world renown rack, it has yet to be determined if Burris will have the man ta-tas to live up to the vacancy the Obama presidency will create on Capitol Hill. Other candidates for best senatorial titties include front-runner Ted Kennedy (dependant on a healthy recovery from a brain tumor), perenial underdog John “The Mac Attack” McCain, and the zombie corpse of Ronald Reagan.
More from The Confederacy of Boobs after this. (more…)
Filed under: News | Tags: abe lincoln, Barack Obama, Election, John McCain, McCain, News, Obama
A Little Too Much, But You Get The Point
More than any election before it, this election has shown the deep fissures that have the potential to tear America apart, and I wholeheartedly believe that that is a bad thing. Despite Sarah Palin’s exclusion of my city from her “Real America” and the anti-liberal, anti-educated, and anti-east coast rhetoric that I find personally offensive, I believe with every fiber of my being that from the streets of Arthur Ave. to the streets of Omaha, Nebraska we are Americans and we must stand together. Today, my guy may have beat your guy, or maybe our guy beat someone else’s guy, but tomorrow we must address the problems that face this nation as brothers and sisters, as patriots.
This moment will be a litmus test for all of us as Americans, to move beyond believing the first African-American man to run for office is an anti-American terrorist, and to move beyond the belief that the middle half the country is culturally irrelevant, bigoted and worthless. While the past few weeks have made us seem like a red and blue America, I truly believe that every one of us loves the Red, White and Blue. The time for fearmongering, excuses and attacks is over. The battle is won. Now we must, as Americans, look towards tomorrow and see what we can do to ensure the safety, stability and respectability of this great nation. It will not be easy, but we are not a nation of quitters. We shall overcome. Whether or not Sean Hannity and I would agree on a point by point basis, I think we would both agree that this is the greatest country on earth, and its principals are greater still. Good Night, and God Bless America.
-Sam.
p.s. Nice speech McCain. Really.
