Hang onto your joke ideas for when Perry is caught giving a blowjob in an airport bathroom for the paper‘s More like DICK Perry 2012 Contest & Giveaway

All this and more, just a click away:

the paper – Vol XL – issue ix

In conclusion, Alanis on this issue of the paper:

Before everyone got to hear the entire album for free on NPR’s website, Donald Glover aka hip-hop artist Childish Gambino described Camp for Rolling Stone: “The biggest compliment I can give the album right now is it’s worthy of being on Glassnote.” After having three previous albums, two mixtapes, and one EP for free download online, the writer/actor/rapper finally joined the same label as Mumford & Sons and Phoenix in August to release his latest album. For fans of his music, his new stuff does not disappoint. There are still countless references to his unpopularity in school, his weakness for whiskey and Asian ladies, and his “haters.”

Turn on the first track and backup vocalists begin to harmonize, someone plays the keys, and do I hear strings? You realize what kind of an effect signing to a label will have on his music: the production values have obviously gone up, but otherwise he’s extremely consistent with his top quality tunes. “Outside” is the first song and it features a beautiful hook of his choir encouraging you that “there’s a world we can visit if we go outside.” The background singers really set the tone and the beat for a lot of the album that includes songs I could see dancing to in a club like “Heartbeat” and more poppy songs that could get some radio play like “Firefly.”

I love Donald Glover, not only because he’s handsome, hilarious, and talented and I want to make beautiful mixed babies with him, but also because his music can make me giggle, gasp, or even tear up. I don’t know what my favorite song is yet, but the best part of the album might be the very end of the last song “That Power” when Glover recounts a story of telling a girl he liked her on the bus back from summer camp. Later he finds out she told everyone and the other girls make fun of him. He explains, “This isn’t a story about how girls are evil or how love is bad,” and ends the album on a very serious note: “I wish I could say this was a story about how I got on the bus a boy and got off a man more cynical, hardened, and mature and shit, but that’s not true. The truth is I got on the bus a boy and I never got off the bus. I still haven’t.”

A lot of his words hit close to home. He says exactly what you’re thinking about that special guy or girl in “Heartbeat”: “Are we dating? Are we fucking? Are we best friends? Are we something in between that? I wish we never fucked, and I mean that. But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it’s fucking awesome.” He also sneaks good advice into his verses with humor. In “Hold You Down,” he preaches, “If you’re a father, you should stick around if you could/ Cause even if you’re bad at it, you get Tiger Woods or MJ,” jokingly suggesting that even if you’re a bad father you should stay in your kid’s life because your son could turn out to be like Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan.

Although his songs often deal with not being taken seriously as a rapper due to his more famous comedy, it’s pretty clear that being a comedy writer directly influences his more clever lyrics. It even inspires bragging lines like “cause having an Emmy just wasn’t enough” from his 2011 EP. Furthermore, no one that attended this year’s IAMDONALD tour where he performed stand-up and rap in one show can doubt his talent. Camp officially dropped November 15, but you can stream the whole thing right now on NPR.org.

“Maybe I don’t know anything about The Bluest Eye or Ralph Ellison but I know about suffering, okay?”

Follow the link for the October 22nd Coalition’s march against police brutality, the Occupy the Bronx movement, the crappy realities of unpaid labor (Eat your heart out, Ross Perlin), mysterious dog fighting, a long list of long books, and cults. Depressing? Sure. Uncensored? Definitely. Inappropriately jokey? Always.

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Occupy Wall Street is shrouded in uncertainty. Did the NYPD lull the protestors into mass arrest on the Brooklyn Bridge, or did a small gang of OWS participants take a risk without considering its impact on the other participants? Is OWS moving towards a multiclass movement, or did its initial base of young college grads render its multiclass vision impossible? Is it Tahir Square or the left’s Tea Party? Polarized sides of the debate, from OWS’s official news source occupywallstreet.org to dismissive mainstream sources, have drawn lines in the sand on these and so many other questions related to the movement. All the paper is certain about, however, is that these questions do not have hard-and-firm answers.

To move closer toward some critical truth, paper contributor and Fordham student Rachel Dougherty has been investigating Occupy Wall Street since September 17. To cleverly engage her questions about the event and its participants, Rachel explains in an essay published in this week’s issue of the paper:

“I walked around Zuccotti Park (henceforth referred to as Liberty Plaza) and gave each person a note card and a single instruction: write the words ‘I want’ followed by one thing that brought you to the occupation. Once people finished their note cards, I photographed them, and we chatted about what sort of society they envisioned.”

This photoessay is the result of her work. Visually gripping and provocative, it contains around 100 completed notecards.View them individually and check out interviews and audio recordings from Zuccotti Park after the jump

It is only a little incredibly embarrassing to watch TV’s Mathis* out-judge the Supreme Court.

That is all.

*On whose show a friend of mine once presented a case about getting his hookah and speakers stolen at a University of Illinois frat party

Welcome back, twerps. In the first issue of this semester, we tackle questions like:Who would Jesus vote for? How will views of the death penalty be affected by the injustice in the Troy Davis case? Is Dean Rogers’ story actually a mythic tale of Bro Redemption? Is Chaz Bono’s appearance on Dancing With The Stars helpful or destructive to trans*gender people? Are fitted hats as dope as everyone thinks they are?

For answers to these questions and SO MANY MORE, check out the digital issue at the link below or pick up a copy in any academic building or dorm on campus.

the paper 9-21-11 vol XL is VI

Internet, you should be ashamed of yourself.

-marisa