Filed under: Edits, Sports, Strange Days | Tags: football, NFL, school, Sports, Strange Days, thanksgiving
It’s been a bit of a rough night for those of us named Sam Wadhams. First my beloved Green Bay Packers got absolutely shelled by Drew “allergic to dairy, wheat, gluten, and eggs” Brees, the quarterback for the leading team in my fantasy league.
Even founder of the Wadhams clan, Servilius Euphronius Wadhams, had a bad day once in a while.
A 21-51 loss is humiliating enough, but having to listen to Tony “Foot-Ball?” Kornheiser call the game was almost more than I could bear. At one point he claimed that, due to the numerous injuries to the Saints, they were “picking people up on Bourbon St. on Thursday and putting them in uniform”. This garbage excuse for commentary seemed to offend Ron “Jaws” Jaworski, unfortunately, not enough so that he would grab Kornheiser by the ears and throw him face first through the glass of the booth like he deserves. I do love him on PTI though. So after that crap-humiliating, possibly season-ending loss, I settled in to write a 5 page “industry report” on Esquire magazine, despite almost no knowledge of what an “industry report” is. Tomorrow I get to drive six hours home in the “rain” that will undoubtedly turn to sheet upon sheet of black ice as I get into the colder, darker, northerly territory of my home. But at least I’ll be well reste… oh. At least I’m not being kept up by rats scurrying around my ceilin… oh. Fuck you, Fordham. Fuck you. Fuck my life.
On this day of thanks, the paper salutes Moms everywhere. Courtesy of Videogum.
Thanks Mom,
Love the paper
As can be expected, we here at the paper probably aren’t going to be posting on the blog anytime before Monday. Hope that doesn’t get in the way of enjoying your chicken stuffed inside of a duck stuffed inside of a turkey.
Succulent
Now go home, eat a shit load of food, and enjoy the best holiday on earth.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Love,
-the paper
Filed under: Edits
First it was Madonna and Guy Richie, now it is Sean Hannity and Alan Colmes. Apparently Mr. Colmes is leaving Fox New’s popular “liberal” versus conservative pundit show, Hannity and Colmes.
Mr. Colmes is expected to go on and make his own presumably unentertaining weekend show, while Mr. Hannity will continue to yell at people for up to six months before he notices his co-host has left.
Filed under: Edits, News | Tags: NY Times, Space Shuttle Endeavour, Tool Bag
November 18, 2008 — the NEW ISSUE of the paper is out today! We worked really hard on this one, kids, and we’re really proud of it. We hope you all get a chance to check it out: either here online (check the section tabs on the left) or find hard copies of it all around campus.
love,
the paper
Fordham Offers No Comment
Filed under: Strange Days
Hey! If something looks a bit off right now…it’s cause we’re updating the site and putting all of the content from the new issue online. Sit tight.
( ^^ Get it?! MEN AT WORK! And we’re under construction! Yeah, it was a bad joke.)
Filed under: Edits
We here at the paper have been feverishly working on our latest issue, staying (once again) all throughout the night to churn out another beast of an issue. Things seem to be wrapping up quite nicely here now, and we will soon leave this place to emerge back into the life of the living to the daylight we regretfully left so many hours ago.
The issue, which will hopefully hit newsstands this Tuesday, is the result of forty some-odd hours of incensed typing and formatting. Arts has members of our staff listing their favorite Bond flick, the Big List chronicles our favorite Thanksgiving traditions, and Sports is full of its usual half-assed commentary and poorly photoshoped gems of the imagination. Several members of the paper staff have forfeited their sanities to bring you readers (whoever you may be) a shocking and important story of sexual abuse on the Rose Hill campus. And, as usual, Edits has everything from a wizzledee to a wazzledoo.
Yes, we here at the paper have overcome alcoholism, hypnotic puppies, self indulgence (well, not really), and drug addiction to deliver you this latest issue, only to fall headfirst back into a two week long routine of bad habits and idiocy. But, worry not readers; our spirits may be low, but our heads sure are high. As long as you give us your meager attention, we’ll keep on churning out this confused rag of optimism and controversy.
So, Fordham, we compel you: give us your tired, your poor, and your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, and we’ll write a 1000 word poop joke about it.
We’ll be back posting on Monday after our production weekend. Look for the new issue to hit newsstands next week.
To tide you over until then, enjoy the much talked about Live Puppy Feed.
We could watch this for hours.
-Pete
Who better to trust for reliable information than a University Stalker?
Lost in a world of procrastination, I stumbled across the following, apparently student-written, editorial about the security who gate the gates and watch the watchtowers of our little oasis in the Bronx, protecting Daddy’s little $40K investments from the horrors of the big, bad city. Apparently College Prowler, the self-proclaimed “only college guides written by and for students,” rated our entire school without once asking the paper for it’s input. What a shame.
But apparently, and it’s news to us at the paper as well, good ol’ FU has earned its self a new moniker. And no, it’s not “Best Party School in NYC“. Thanks to the New York Post we already got that one. Apparently the Jesuits and the bureaucratic behemoth that is Res Life are now also in the business of putting Motel 6 out of business.
Straight from collegeprowler.com, Fordham Safety & Security gets a B-.
Student Editorial
For most students, rating security boils down to the strictness of residence hall policies. The long-debated, Catholic-founded cohabitation policy is rigidly enforced, although students that sign in guests of the opposite gender without signing them out ultimately pay a mere $15 fine (hence giving way to Fordham’s occasional nickname, “The Cheapest Hotel in New York”). Most students grow more and more agitated by campus strictness the longer they live at Fordham, and some even decided to move off-campus for this reason. Inconvenience aside, security is a welcome and conspicuous presence on both campuses that usually prevents the wrong people from entering University grounds.
See how much fun it is to Google Fordham?
The full College Prowler grades and an original music video after after the jump. (more…)
