the paper

[...]  8. So Dan goes back to Paris Review guy with his “night on the town with Chuck Bass” story (In which he has changed the name Chuck Bass to Charlie Trout. Yeah.), and the guy doesn’t like it! Not enough humanity! Dig deeper! Find out secrets! 9. We find out Bart bought the nude piqz of Lily van der Woodsen (or is she Lily Bass?). Yawn. This storyline is too boring. 10. Charlie Trout, I mean, Chuck Bass calls his dad and asks him to get drinks. His dad — aka the same character from the OC who plays Adam Brody’s grandpa, am I right?! — doesn’t really care and has jet lag. Dan conveniently hears this and begins to booze slash uncomfortably interview Chuck Trout about his life. Then Chuck mistakes some girl at the bar for a hooker, because any girl who wears a black strapless dress and has red hair obvs sells herself. Her boyfriend (for some silly reason!) gets made about this and confronts Chuck (who seems to be wearing the grey version of that Willy Wonka tuxedo he wore last week) and Dan punches that guy for having the tenacity to defend his girlfriend from being called a hooker. Chuck and Dan go to jail. 11. Blair is sad that Serena is the new Paris or whoever is a socialite in New York City today, so she tries a bunch a plans that would potentially ruin her own mother’s fashion show but would definitely be a big “fuck you” to Serena. It’s all incredibly unrealistic (gasp!), but long story short Blair sends all the models away and Jenny decides to get the crew of socialites to walk in the show — including Serena. 12. Serena almost grows a soul and doesn’t walk in the show because she thinks it’ll make Blair even more sad But then her new friend Poppy tells her that she shouldn’t hang out with people who make you feel “less sparkly,” and generally instructs her to be a hurricane force bitch and plow down everyone in her path. 13. So Serena walks in the show, but not before Blair replaces her dress with one that Jenny Humphrey made (which also happened to be lying around backstage)! But (on no!) everyone in the crowd loves the dress! And no one could tell the difference in the handiwork of a 15 year-old versus a famous fashion designer. While Eleanor and Jenny are freakin’ out backstage, Serena is fucking out of control on the catwalk…refusing to leave and spinning in circles more than Diddy did in Diddy Obama blog. [...]